Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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