New low: just hacked my moms facebook
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
