How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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