if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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