I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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