Ambien. No doubt about it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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