I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
