At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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