did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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