You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
