This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
