I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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