addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I need moral support for this bender
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
