I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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