ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
