Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize