she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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