Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I skipped work to stalk him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
