my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
