So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
