She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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