my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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