I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
