i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
