You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
