Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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