she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
