hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
