Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
