Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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