I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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