I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
