This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
