Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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