you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
