I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
