The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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