uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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