I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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