I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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