People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
