Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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