if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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