you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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