Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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