i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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