For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
