I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
