i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
