lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
