I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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