these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
