I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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