He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
