So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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