I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
