one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
