Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
