I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
