See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize