Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
