new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize