I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
